Soooo… Why Are My Emotions So Big Now That I Know I Have ADHD?

If you’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, you might be noticing how your emotions seem to take over more than before. Maybe they’ve always been this strong — but now that you know it’s ADHD, it’s like someone turned the emotional volume up to eleven.

Let’s talk about that.

Wait, what does ADHD have to do with emotional regulation?

A lot, actually. Emotional dysregulation (aka feeling things intensely and struggling to come back to baseline) isn’t always listed in the official ADHD criteria… but most of us with ADHD? We feel it big time.

It’s not all in your head — well, it is, but in a very real, neurological way.

Your ADHD brain processes emotions differently, and regulating those emotions can be just as tricky as focusing or remembering where you put your keys (or the full cup of tea you made and then forgot about... three times).

Here's what's going on under the hood:

🔍 The ADHD brain has a tricky time with self-regulation.
That includes thoughts, actions, attention and emotions. It’s all connected.

🔍 Your nervous system reacts faster and harder.
Think of it like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. Once a big emotion hits, it can take a while to come back down.

🔍 Time feels weird.
You might not notice you’re getting dysregulated until you’re already deep in it. “Oh wow, I’ve been spiraling for an hour” is a common ADHD experience.

🔍 Rejection hits extra hard.
Ever heard of RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)? It's when even small criticisms or perceived rejections can feel crushing. It’s not about being dramatic — your brain is just wired to respond more intensely.

🔍 You never learned the steps.
If you were undiagnosed until adulthood, chances are no one taught you how to feel your feelings without getting overwhelmed or shamed. So you're learning now, as a grown-up — and that’s brave as hell.

👉 A little personal adhd emotional regulation story:

The other day, my husband casually asked, “Hey, did you get a chance to send that email to the electrician?”

And I snapped.
Not because he was being mean or nagging — but because, in that moment, it felt like the weight of every un-done task and self-judgment landed squarely on my shoulders.
My brain had waaaaay too many tabs open, and I just couldn’t deal.

The email to the electricain? Yeah… I hadn’t sent it.
And that one question launched me into a full-on shame spiral — overwhelmed, dysregulated, and totally crushed under the invisible mental load.

That kind of emotional intensity used to be my norm. These days? Not so much. Life’s a lot better now that I’ve got tools and systems to help me regulate and feel grounded again — and those are exactly what I share with my clients, too.

When you have ADHD, protecting your peace isn’t optional. Boundaries, nervous system care, and real-life regulation strategies aren’t “nice to haves” — they’re essential for adults with ADHD.

The good news? You can learn this. It’s a skill, and skills can be learned.

So what do I do with this information?

Here’s the good news: ADHD brains can learn how to regulate emotions. It's a skill set — not a moral failure. And you’re already doing the first step — getting curious instead of shame spiralling over it.

Here are a few places to start:

• ✅ Name it to tame it.
  Saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed” or “I notice I’m getting really frustrated” can give your brain just enough space to breathe before reacting.
• ✅ Pause before you react.
  Even a 3-second pause can make a huge difference. Practice saying “let me think about that” when you feel yourself getting heated.
• ✅ Track your patterns.
  Notice what sets you off or what tends to soothe you. Is it certain times of day? Certain people? Hunger? (Seriously, hunger is sneaky.)
• ✅ Use body-first tools.
  Sometimes your body needs support before your brain can catch up. Try drinking water, squeezing something, moving around, or wrapping up in a blanket burrito.
• ✅ Reframe what you think “emotional regulation” looks like.
  It’s not about being calm all the time. It’s about learning how to come back to center, with kindness.

The most important part? Start being proactive, not reactive. Learn everyday tools and strategies that you can actually use in real life — ones that help you stay calm longer and reset faster.

This is one of my favorite things to work on with my coaching clients: finding the strategies that work for them. When you begin to recognize the signs of dysregulation, you can use those tools to recompose yourself and show up the way you want. It's all about identifying what works for YOU. If that’s something you need, let’s chat.

👉 Emotional regulation with ADHD is like weatherproofing your house.

‍You can’t stop the storms from coming — but you can seal the windows, fix the leaky roof, and stock up on snacks and blankets before the skies turn gray.

When you start to notice your own “storm warnings” — like rising tension, snappy moods, or that wired-tired feeling — you can do something about it early. That might look like cancelling an extra task, taking a break, moving your body, or reaching for your favorite comfort tool.

It’s not about avoiding emotions — it’s about setting up your inner space so you don’t get flooded every time one rolls in.

The better your emotional weatherproofing, the faster you bounce back when the big stuff hits.

You’re not broken — you’re unlearning and rebuilding

If emotions have felt like a mystery, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common “wait… what?” moments for newly diagnosed ADHD adults. It’s okay to feel things deeply. You don’t have to fear your emotions — you can learn how to work with them instead of feeling like you're caught in a storm without an umbrella.

And hey — that’s exactly what I help people with my in my 1:1 adhd coaching program: ADHD Reshaped Foundations 💙

Because your big feelings aren’t the enemy. They're messengers. We just need to learn how to hear them without letting them hijack the whole day.

More articles about living with adult adhd.